I miss the sunshine

When I arrived in China a lot of people said beware of the three month dip, everyone gets it. Maybe that’s what’s happening now, I’ve been in China just over three months and I’m feeling a bit down. I’m questioning myself, is this job really for me? Is this making me happy? Is this what I want to do? 

I’m not sure if this is the dreaded three month dip. As a whole I quite like China in general, living by myself, the culture. It’s the actual job that’s frustrating me. The independence of having my own apartment, being able to cook what I want, do what I want, even have take away every night if I want to is wonderful. This city though has little to offer, there is little to do on days off other than go to a mall, which there are many of in China. I’m sure you could go to a different mall every week for a year here and still not visit the same one twice. I mean I do love to shop however just visiting a mall every weekend gets a little boring. 

The job I’m doing is also not entirely what I expected, I thought I was going to have my own cute little classes to get to know and watch them grow and improve their english. However what I’m actually doing is a completely different story, when we arrived no teachers were leaving which meant the centre was entirely overstaffed and it feels like they are pulling teeth to find things for us to do. It feels like we are being treated like the interns, and we aren’t on the same level as the other teachers, when I was hired as the same job role as them. It’s frustrating that I don’t know what I’m doing each day, I come into work not knowing if I’m going to have to sit around all day or if I’m going to come in and find out someone has called in sick and I’m going to have a teach their class in five minutes. I feel pretty useless and don’t know what to do about it, if there’s anything to even be done about it. 

I had a great time on a last minute trip to Hong Kong, I got to catch up with old friends and have a magical time at Disneyland, that’s about the only excitement I’ve had in the past three and a half months. It’s not easy to get places out of Chengdu, flights aren’t super cheap as it’s not a major airport, places of interest are also quite far, too far to get to on a weekend, and with five days holiday a year it’s not easy to plan to see many places.

I miss excitement, I miss my old job where I was in a new place more or less everyday, where I felt appreciated and was busy all the time, so even if I felt slightly unhappy I didn’t have large amounts of time to dwell on how I was feeling. I miss how no matter what time of day there was always someone to hang out with and do something fun. I miss blue skies and sunshine, instead I’ve got smog and humid days. I miss going to a restaurant knowing what I’m ordering, rather than having horrid situations like the other day when I was told I was ordering a chicken and potato stew and I fact ending up with a steaming bowl of mushrooms. 


Here’s hoping this is the ‘three month dip’ and in a month my feelings will have changed and I won’t be searching flights home multiple times a day, wishing I was on a beach with my friends enjoying real sunshine instead of smog.  


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